You Know...

So I started this project with a want to change some things around, take another look at life and say.. HEY I'm doing this. In the process I realized that I couldn't just do that, that I needed to do some other work as well. And now I am seeing a wonderful therapist who is REALLY helping me sort out my life better.  I am learning to grow up and be OK with ALL the things because at the end of the day, sometimes we just get bogged down with a bunch of crap and before you know it your lost in your own mind. I got there this year, lost and overwhelmed and angry and frustrated and VERY disconnected from all my friends, and my loved ones and frankly it wasn't fair to anyone.

I'm working on getting better.  I'm working on a change. I'm working on being the best me there is so that as time passes I can make sure to handle what life might throw at me with grace and good reason, not with frustration and anger.

Maybe I'll make my goals this year, maybe I won't... but I'll work towards it, I'll improve the list. 

Maybe I'll make a new list and work on that, because you know at the end of the day its what really makes me happy that counts.

I'm grateful for all the people in my life, and SO very lucky to have them all be this great Jackson Pollack like piece of art I call Life; because that's my life, its not linear and clean and precise its messy and beautiful.

So... I think I'll go can my list. And start a new, and I hope you all want to keep traveling with me church mice, because you are all very special and very worth it!

Blinded by the Light

I am happy to say that I have made little bits of progress on my road.  Look we all get bogged down from time to time but we gotta pick ourselves up and keep truckin' you know!? I can do this, I can succeed if I want to, besides all things thrown my way.  I'm not struggling with the boulders of life some people are struggling with, and I need to be grateful. 

So today as we end week three I plan to look at my future and really do something about it.  I need to exercise some control over my life.  I'm living in a whirlwind of chaos and that is not so good.  I gotta push myself hard and not feel that I just can't because I'm older, and tired.  I need to really force myself out of my own shell. For those readers who know me well, I realize that you are all thinking, "this bitch right here is trying to say she needs to come out of her shell MORE?! She's crazy!" But its true.

I tend to really crawl up inside myself and put on a happy face for those around me when inside I feel terrible.  NO. MORE.  Its time to actually feel happy.  To actually feel OK with what life throws my way. I've survived worse that's for sure! 

For starters I'll make small progress like organizing my bag.

 A woman's bag can be a disaster and with feeling like I'm already caught up in a chaos spiral having to deal with my suuuuper messy purse is annoying and adds to my frustration.  So getting that set up better will help a lot.  

This weekend after the little Creep's football game I'll be tackling my bedroom.  Just me and Netflix, sorting thru stuff, organizing and making bags of stuff to donate. I will actually go to the Good Will and make a drop of donation stuff this weekend, and I will make sure to keep my receipts for tax time, I'll vacuum and spot check, and clean my house so I feel better and accomplished. 

I'll do laundry and scrub counters, and clean the floor and sweep my walkways and water my lawn just do stuff to really make my Virgo spirit feel happy.  I'll even go for a walk and take the dogs to the park and listen intently to the quiet sounds of the early morning in Diamond bar.  I'll take deep breaths and appreciate that I am in the middle of a beautiful city on a beautiful pre-fall weekend. I'll hug my kids, and tell them how much they mean to me and then do something fun and stupid like make rice crispy treats! I'll pick up my book I've been putting off for months and actually remember the joy of reading it and using my imagination for good and for joy.  I'll rearrange and dust and spray and just enjoy the day that I was given.  Because in the end my darlings its all about how you handle the curve balls which are hurled your way that matters.  

So Church Mice, I am reaching for a pick me up, reaching to feel better and make progress.  This too shall pass and I will wake up one morning soon and realize that it really wasn't that bad.  Not that bad at all. 

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Walking Up Hill

Oh church mice... I'm so not living up to my potential.  Maybe I'm not sure what my potential is. I keep hearing that I have this crazy potential but I don't see it yet. I just feel super mired down by all of this other things around me that I can't seem to come up from. 

I have tools with me to help me on my way but, I just can't seem to find the keys to my car (so to speak). So what is it that I can't get out from under? My own mind and other such chaotic things.  I need balance, and I don't have it.

I apologize to all of you... Right now I'm making very little progress. I hope you all don't give up on reading my blog because I am really hoping to get through this hump soon so I can really start to post some results on here for all of you.

For now, please stay with me, your encouragement and the fact that so many of you read my blog helps me keep this experiment up.  

Time...  I need time and a break.

Don't forget to share my blog and help me jump start my revolution.

End of week 2

So here we are church mice and I'm coming to a close on week two of my project. I'm sad to say I've made very little progress.

I've started on my Herba Life but for some reason I've not really fully committed to this. I'm not sure why... I'm kind of battling a little bout of depression right now. I've found myself tired, and grumpy and making more excuses for myself than reaching for goals.  I'm also kind of doubting my ability here when it comes to really achieving my goals.  Ugh... I need to get out of my head.

The last two weeks have been challenging at home and at work.  Stress is prevalent which is normal, I really need to find my groove. I need to find a happy place, I really do... I know I'm depressed when I can't get myself to even crack open my copy of Vogue or Marie Claire, two mags the I LIVE for.  They've been sitting there in my messy room staring at me.

I think I've been going about this all wrong. I think I need to achieve the Organize My Shit goal before I really commit to my weight loss.  I can't have a messy head and a messy space there is no room for me to breathe or grow or change.  So this weekend I will be working towards the goal of getting my space clean and organized beyond just doing mounds and mounds of laundry.  

I need to fucking commit church mice, I really do. 

As of now I am just skating around the whole list and the work that has to go into it and you know what happens then? I look up and its July and nothing has been done.  I need to work towards ACCOMPLISHMENT not just make a list and stare at it and congratulate myself on a job well done.  I also need to stop dreaming of short cuts.  Short cuts that are unachievable   I need to reach for all the hard work that comes into play to accomplish most of the goals on my list. 

I think I'm afraid of the work, afraid of the possible failures and hardships that might come with making it through the next year.  And all I do is lose time.  I've followed this same pattern for years and years and here I am... Not where I want to be. I need to believe in myself church mice. I need to say FUCK YA lets go! So what's stopping me?  

OK so this weekend my goal will be to organize all the shit I can in the 60ish hours I have before work on Monday.  I'm going to get there.  There will be before and after pics and hopefully I can make sure to take a solid step towards that goal.  I will of course be updating you all so stay tuned! 

For now lets get thru the work day and make it count, then start the weekend and attempt to reach for adventure!

Have a good one friends and remember to share my blog with others! Together lets start a 365 revolution!

PREACH!

Alright y'all... I'ma lay it all out for each and every one of you.

I'm fat. Yep, it's true...

In 17 years I have put on 104 pounds. This from my prime 17 year old body which was fit and strong. 

I'm flabby. Yep, it's true... 

In 17 years I had two kids and neglected myself far beyond that which I should have. 

My measurements are far beyond what healthy should be.Yes it's true...

38 waist is not ok. Say it with me now...

A 52 inch hip/ass is not ok... I can't hear ya now!

A 30 inch thigh is?? That's right, IT'S not O. K. 

Brothers and sisters (and all the rest of you people) the risk of diabetes, stroke, heart attack, high blood pressure, joint pain, and being on pain medications because my joints need to carry around THIS body...

IS. NOT. O. K.

So... Today we begun to find our way home! Yes indeed we began to walk towards the path to health and nutrition, we began to walk the up hill road towards my goal of a 95 pound weight loss!

With the support of my nutrition Guru Wendy Hicks, support from my super hero of love and life M I began Herba Life's program today!

I know it will be hard. I know, it will be a quest. But just the dedication I showed today... The willingness to surrender to this process and the excitement I feel to get back into clothes I haven't worn in years is enough to make me jump up! And hold my hands up and say, YES! YES!! OH YES, I WILL ACHEIVE!

Can I get an AMEN!

That's it for day 3, please take time to share my blog and let's start a 365 Revolution together!!

Day 2

So my last blog entry SUUUUCKED! I really want to keep you all entertained so I suppose I have to step my game up.  Fair enough, lets get on with it.  

As Day 2 comes to a close I find myself at the end of a very strange weekend. I was fortunate enough to get 4 and a half days of vacation but I find that I'm anticipating all the things that will come this week at work. See, I love my job and that's why one of my tasks on The List is to get promoted this next year. I own my company and all the tasks that go with it.  I loooove going to work each day even on those days when I feel like perhaps a mental health day is in order, you know what I mean? Yeah that... exactly that. I go in each day ready and leave each day feeling accomplished. They aren't all wine and roses but I don't mind, its the firm and the people that I love. I'm lucky.

So to wrap up my final day of my extremely long weekend I find myself really looking at all the not so awesome things that happened and all the plans I had to change and all the last minute running around I did and I feel OK. I feel good about it actually, I don't feel that bitter sting of being short changed out of my weekend; instead, I feel like there were some rough spots but I got through it, and I couldn't have done that without my amazing fiancee M.  M is my hero, no seriously.  

So tomorrow as we head into day 3 I'll post something funnier and more interactive about my program and goals and nutrition regiment that I am starting.  I'll also be posting work out photos soon which are sure to be a laugh for the first few months.  Truth be told I'll be glad to get back to not feeling like shit each time I eat both in my body and in my spirit.  I'm ready to really feel good and commit to this stuff.  My friend Wendy who will become my ally in the huge task to lose 95 pounds is a beam of positive energy.  I sent her a list of goals for myself to accomplish and she is sure we can reach them all! I'm thinking by Christmas time when I'm posting pictures of holiday shit all over this here blog I'll have a more noticeable difference in my appearance.  By next Easter more so and by the end of My356-35 I'll be a better, healthier me :)

I'll also start posting wedding plan up dates on here soon as that is definitely coming down the line really soon!! Yep, cross your fingers, We're hoping to lock down a date for next fall! 

My project means a whole lot to me both inside and out.  Each item seems like it may not be a big deal but it really is a BIG deal to me.  Each item on The List is something that I really need or want to accomplish and I'm hoping with all you guys cheering me on I can make them all a reality! 

So that's it for day two... I hope this tidbit is a little more entertaining than my shitty post from yesterday (see what I did there?). This is not just a fun project to do its a 365 revolution! 

Don't forget to share my blog with others out there! Lets start a 365 Revolution together! 

Day 1

So yesterday was my official kick off for my year long project of transformation.  I left determined to start with a clean slate and fix several issues that I had been facing of late. So off I went to Beauty Essentials Day Spa in Chino Hills (Check them out! http://www.bodyessentials-dayspa.com/).  I haven't been to a spa in YEARS and this little place was great. I felt very comfortable and safe as well as very cared for. My treatments consisted of a Hydrocolonic, a 30 minute Sauna, and a 60 minute Swedish massage. It was amazing!

 The Hydrocolonic is an experience that most people with any kind of stomach issue should experience.  It literally cleans you out with out the discomfort of most other bowel cleaners.  Its a process and if you are lucky you get a cool tech like I did to pass the 45 minutes of flush and empty.  I felt so much lighter after that was all said and done. At first I wondered if this would work at all but about 20 minutes in... lets just say nothing survived.

Then to the sauna, to clean out toxins in my skin.  A single sauna sitting in 134 degree heat in the dark is somehow calming at first I thought man this is just a dark hot room and then I realized I was dripping with sweat! And letting all the surface toxins out of my system.  Ironically it was a refreshing experience to sit in hot box for a half hour.

And finally my Swedish massage... this was one of the most incredible experiences of my life as I became so very relaxed and comfortable that at one point I fell asleep! I woke relaxed and almost noodle like.

After two hours of comfort and priming I went home feeling amazing.  I think this was a successful start to my year long project. I think I will be making this routine a monthly occurrence to keep my body primed and feeling good as I flow through the process of my biggest task on the list. Losing 95 pounds is not a small feat!  And I am so ready!  I will be starting my new nutrition regiment tomorrow which includes the Herba Life weight loss program thanks to my friend Wendy Hicks.

As for today (being that its day 2) I will start to look at making some fantastic progress on some of the items on my list.  Stay with me friends.  We are just at the beginning!

Feel free to share my blog with anyone else out there and lets all start a 365 revolution!

WELCOME to Project My365-35

Today is the day! September 1! we turn it all around in one year as of today! Later today I will be posting before photos for reference to my biggest My365 challenge my 95 pound weight loss! This morning begins with a trip to a spa where I will undergo a Hydro Colonic to start off with a clean slate so to speak! 

Its going to be an exciting journey! Let us start!

My365-35 as a reminder here is my list!

1. Lose 95 pounds (its true)
2. Join the gym and go continuously 
3. Road trip with my kids thru, at least, three states
4. See the California Redwood forest
5. Get promoted
6. Go to at least 10 Angels games
7. See at least 2 USC football games
8. Attend at least 3 concerts
9. Join a women's soccer team and play for a season
10. Wear my cheerleading uniform again (hey its 17 years old but I want to put it on again and fit into it!)
11. Start a committee for my 20 year class reunion
12. Reseve a trip to El Salvador for myself and the kids
13. Make myself a new Venitian Dress
14. Make myself all new underpinnings
15. Organize ALL my shit (in stages of course but ALL the SHIT)
16. Change out my wardrobe (This reflects back to #1)
17. Attend Marti Gras (This will be a tough one as its only about 6 months away)
18. Learn to belly dance and actually do it
19. Go to Disney World
20. Pay off my CC fully

Away we go!

HERE WE GO... The List

So we're about 4 days from the launch of project My365-35. This project will be my year long list of things I want to tackle and accomplish in the 365 days before my 35th bithday.  Its a long one but I think all the things on here I can absolutely accomplish.  Its not going to be easy by any stretch of the imagination but I'm ready to make this happen.  

So here is the list:

1. Lose 95 pounds (its true)
2. Join the gym and go continuously 
3. Road trip with my kids thru, at least, three states
4. See the California Redwood forest
5. Get promoted
6. Go to at least 10 Angels games
7. See at least 2 USC football games
8. Attend at least 3 concerts
9. Join a women's soccer team and play for a season
10. Wear my cheerleading uniform again (hey its 17 years old but I want to put it on again and fit into it!)
11. Start a committee for my 20 year class reunion
12. Reseve a trip to El Salvador for myself and the kids
13. Make myself a new Venitian Dress
14. Make myself all new underpinnings
15. Organize ALL my shit (in stages of course but ALL the SHIT)
16. Change out my wardrobe (This reflects back to #1)
17. Attend Marti Gras (This will be a tough one as its only about 6 months away)
18. Learn to belly dance and actually do it
19. Go to Disney World
20. Pay off my CC fully

So that's it! My list for the next 365 days! This will mostly be documented with photo maybe some video but I'm hoping this project inspires others to stop being complaicent with life and actually go out there. Maybe I'm not jumping out of planes or running with bulls but I am settin the bar high for myself and I plan to go above it!

My 365 starts next week!

I turn 34 on the 30th of this month. I have a year before I get to year 35, which for some reason in my head is significant.  I hate when people tell you, "what's the deal with your made up time table life is life just flow with it." Well frankly that hasn't worked for me so far.  So far just flowing with it has me on a muscle relaxer 3x a day an analgesic 1x a day and water pills.  How's that for life? Its not.  I love and respect my maternal unit but I didn't and don't want to suffer from the same aliments she does. I want to be better! And frankly I think she wants me to be better also.

SO as I come close to 34 I realize the advice that I give to others I need to follow myself.  

BE THE MASTER OF YOUR OWN DESTINY

Well OK then.  It starts Friday.  From Friday I have given myself 1 year, 365 days to change, adjust, achieve and do things that I need to do and want to do to get me to my 35th year. I'm compiling a list of things I would like to do, places I want to go, goals I want to reach, and events I want to attend. My goal is to photograph, document and share the next year with anyone who wants to look into it. 

So lets go lets take a ride, 365!