Go Go Gadget Fitness!!

So I find myself about 36 weeks from my nuptial date to M. That's right kids! I'm actually going to do it... No not get married, have a wedding! I'm not usually the girl that looks to do a HUGE shindig but the opportunity is too good to pass up! I'm gonna go ahead and just enjoy the ride.

However, within the planning of a wedding, you know, flowers, cake, dress, etc. I realized that I was going to be a large part of the focus on that day... Uh, what? Not that I'm not used to the spot light, I've been a performer for several years, since I was a kid really. But this is different! There is no script, or direction or blocking, this is everyone watching... 

Oh. My. God.

Now the next statement may sound a bit shallow but... I gotta get on the fitness train here! Once upon a time, and depending on who is reading this blog they might actually remember, I was something of an athlete. I ran track, was a shot putter, was on the tennis team and was a cheerleader. Since these days (half a lifetime ago, lets be frank here [no you be Frank I'll be Sally]), a lot has changed. But to go along with my positive vibe this year I have this sudden desire to work HARD toward my fitness and weight loss. I'm not treating this as my usual, "OH i have all this weight to lose, I'll just day dream about lipo till it happens". This is actually important to me.

A few posts ago I was very candid about where I had to go in terms of weight loss, PREACH!, but when I posted this I was NOT in a good place mentally. Now that things are getting better and feeling better and actually feeling normal (what that means I'm not really sure) I feel that I can actually stop day dreaming and reach these goals. Here are a couple of examples... Last week I attended a Zumba class which was awesome and kicked my ASS! This week its back to the Sledgehammer and more Zumba, ie: more ass kicking. (In case you were wondering what the Sledgehammer means her you go: Sledgehammer work out)

This should be my eventual "AFTER" pic! 

M is on board as always but yesterday did something for me that I didn't realize I wanted him to do... He made a low carb dinner for the whole family. Now let me tell you, Dinner usually consists of some sort of pasta, potato, rice etc... but not yesterday. And he made a statement to the family... "we're all cutting down on so many carbs to help mom and each other be healthier." You know what... that was pretty awesome! Support is so important and I'm happy to have it.

So, in the spirit of support, here is some of the information I have to share on my journey...

I've given myself roughly about 90 days to lose 25 pounds, then another 90 and another 90 until I reach my goal. I'm not gonna reveal my own goal, but I will say that 25 pounds is not a solid number for the following 90 days or the one after that. The 25 is a starting point, my hope is to get where I get and look back on my wedding day and say, "I worked hard, I earned this moment". Then work hard to my next steps. To accomplish this I will be following a new nutrition regiment which I know works for me, supplements will be purchased, and then the work. Beating my own tire at home, Zumba at Happy Dance Fitness on Wednesdays and eventually probably Mondays, (2753 S Diamond Bar Blvd, Diamond Bar, CA 91765(909) 680-2164 $8 a class in case you want to join me! http://www.happydancefitness.com/) as well as walking

and hiking up around my house. I plan to stay active, get out more
and WAKE UP!

Sweating to the oldies was never like THIS! 

And you know what...

No matter where I get after all is said and done, if I work hard 
and really try, well on that big day, even if I'm not in a size 4... 
I'll still be proud because I will know I earned it!

PROGRESS!

My wedding date is set my lovelies! I'm so excited to see how this all plays out. I never actually thought I would have a "big" wedding but I am and I'm so excited to see it become a reality. Its a little terrifying and amazing and overwhelming all at the same time. I'm fortunate enough to have amazing family who are helping with this shindig and it will be lovely.

There is still so much to do! Cake design and choice, food selections, hair, shoes (OF COURSE), appointments with my girls, M's suit and his boys suits which will be gorgeous!, flowers invites, and of course... bachelorette and bachelor parties! I don't want to miss a beat but I don't want to feel nuts either!

Its my dream cake!!

Luckily I seem to be going thru this bout of positive energy and I wan to put it out there in the universe. Its a simple thing really. Nothing major but I realized that in the gran scheme of things, when all is said and done...

We Are All Going to Be OK

Its all kind of simple huh? Believe me when people said this to me in the past I quickly rolled my eyes and thought, "what the hell do you know SMILEY... Ain't no body gonna be OK!", but now I know. At least from my end that we are all seriously going to be OK. 

Some things may require more work, it may require more time but if you want to put that into your day your week you life to find that OK then it will be there for you. Its taken me 20 years, two therapists, two kids, a lot of starts and stops and a good man to get me to this simple philosophy. Its amazing that I'm happy in a simple life, my mom used to say that I was always looking for the next best thing. I'm not looking for that anymore. I have it. I have the best thing. Healthy kids, a good job, a good man, a nice house, a good neighborhood... I feel good. For the first time in a very long time.

So as the wedding plans unfurl and the invites go out and even beyond that day. When I wake up November 2nd married for less than 24 hours, and look at the world around me I will still be OK and so will we all. I don't mean to turn all fluffy on you guys but I felt the need to infect you all with some positivity on this Friday morning so that you could take this rainy day and smile up at the sky, or if you are stuck in traffic and its not going anywhere that at the end of your day that time on the freeway will be behind you. And even those of you out there who are having a hard go of it... look up, reach out, you have friends and loved ones. We'll find a way to make it OK for you because we love you. Because we want you to be OK and happy along side us!

Its all going to be OK... help me help you.

So enjoy your Friday my lovelies... Its a beautiful day :)

You Know...

So I started this project with a want to change some things around, take another look at life and say.. HEY I'm doing this. In the process I realized that I couldn't just do that, that I needed to do some other work as well. And now I am seeing a wonderful therapist who is REALLY helping me sort out my life better.  I am learning to grow up and be OK with ALL the things because at the end of the day, sometimes we just get bogged down with a bunch of crap and before you know it your lost in your own mind. I got there this year, lost and overwhelmed and angry and frustrated and VERY disconnected from all my friends, and my loved ones and frankly it wasn't fair to anyone.

I'm working on getting better.  I'm working on a change. I'm working on being the best me there is so that as time passes I can make sure to handle what life might throw at me with grace and good reason, not with frustration and anger.

Maybe I'll make my goals this year, maybe I won't... but I'll work towards it, I'll improve the list. 

Maybe I'll make a new list and work on that, because you know at the end of the day its what really makes me happy that counts.

I'm grateful for all the people in my life, and SO very lucky to have them all be this great Jackson Pollack like piece of art I call Life; because that's my life, its not linear and clean and precise its messy and beautiful.

So... I think I'll go can my list. And start a new, and I hope you all want to keep traveling with me church mice, because you are all very special and very worth it!

Blinded by the Light

I am happy to say that I have made little bits of progress on my road.  Look we all get bogged down from time to time but we gotta pick ourselves up and keep truckin' you know!? I can do this, I can succeed if I want to, besides all things thrown my way.  I'm not struggling with the boulders of life some people are struggling with, and I need to be grateful. 

So today as we end week three I plan to look at my future and really do something about it.  I need to exercise some control over my life.  I'm living in a whirlwind of chaos and that is not so good.  I gotta push myself hard and not feel that I just can't because I'm older, and tired.  I need to really force myself out of my own shell. For those readers who know me well, I realize that you are all thinking, "this bitch right here is trying to say she needs to come out of her shell MORE?! She's crazy!" But its true.

I tend to really crawl up inside myself and put on a happy face for those around me when inside I feel terrible.  NO. MORE.  Its time to actually feel happy.  To actually feel OK with what life throws my way. I've survived worse that's for sure! 

For starters I'll make small progress like organizing my bag.

 A woman's bag can be a disaster and with feeling like I'm already caught up in a chaos spiral having to deal with my suuuuper messy purse is annoying and adds to my frustration.  So getting that set up better will help a lot.  

This weekend after the little Creep's football game I'll be tackling my bedroom.  Just me and Netflix, sorting thru stuff, organizing and making bags of stuff to donate. I will actually go to the Good Will and make a drop of donation stuff this weekend, and I will make sure to keep my receipts for tax time, I'll vacuum and spot check, and clean my house so I feel better and accomplished. 

I'll do laundry and scrub counters, and clean the floor and sweep my walkways and water my lawn just do stuff to really make my Virgo spirit feel happy.  I'll even go for a walk and take the dogs to the park and listen intently to the quiet sounds of the early morning in Diamond bar.  I'll take deep breaths and appreciate that I am in the middle of a beautiful city on a beautiful pre-fall weekend. I'll hug my kids, and tell them how much they mean to me and then do something fun and stupid like make rice crispy treats! I'll pick up my book I've been putting off for months and actually remember the joy of reading it and using my imagination for good and for joy.  I'll rearrange and dust and spray and just enjoy the day that I was given.  Because in the end my darlings its all about how you handle the curve balls which are hurled your way that matters.  

So Church Mice, I am reaching for a pick me up, reaching to feel better and make progress.  This too shall pass and I will wake up one morning soon and realize that it really wasn't that bad.  Not that bad at all. 

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Walking Up Hill

Oh church mice... I'm so not living up to my potential.  Maybe I'm not sure what my potential is. I keep hearing that I have this crazy potential but I don't see it yet. I just feel super mired down by all of this other things around me that I can't seem to come up from. 

I have tools with me to help me on my way but, I just can't seem to find the keys to my car (so to speak). So what is it that I can't get out from under? My own mind and other such chaotic things.  I need balance, and I don't have it.

I apologize to all of you... Right now I'm making very little progress. I hope you all don't give up on reading my blog because I am really hoping to get through this hump soon so I can really start to post some results on here for all of you.

For now, please stay with me, your encouragement and the fact that so many of you read my blog helps me keep this experiment up.  

Time...  I need time and a break.

Don't forget to share my blog and help me jump start my revolution.

End of week 2

So here we are church mice and I'm coming to a close on week two of my project. I'm sad to say I've made very little progress.

I've started on my Herba Life but for some reason I've not really fully committed to this. I'm not sure why... I'm kind of battling a little bout of depression right now. I've found myself tired, and grumpy and making more excuses for myself than reaching for goals.  I'm also kind of doubting my ability here when it comes to really achieving my goals.  Ugh... I need to get out of my head.

The last two weeks have been challenging at home and at work.  Stress is prevalent which is normal, I really need to find my groove. I need to find a happy place, I really do... I know I'm depressed when I can't get myself to even crack open my copy of Vogue or Marie Claire, two mags the I LIVE for.  They've been sitting there in my messy room staring at me.

I think I've been going about this all wrong. I think I need to achieve the Organize My Shit goal before I really commit to my weight loss.  I can't have a messy head and a messy space there is no room for me to breathe or grow or change.  So this weekend I will be working towards the goal of getting my space clean and organized beyond just doing mounds and mounds of laundry.  

I need to fucking commit church mice, I really do. 

As of now I am just skating around the whole list and the work that has to go into it and you know what happens then? I look up and its July and nothing has been done.  I need to work towards ACCOMPLISHMENT not just make a list and stare at it and congratulate myself on a job well done.  I also need to stop dreaming of short cuts.  Short cuts that are unachievable   I need to reach for all the hard work that comes into play to accomplish most of the goals on my list. 

I think I'm afraid of the work, afraid of the possible failures and hardships that might come with making it through the next year.  And all I do is lose time.  I've followed this same pattern for years and years and here I am... Not where I want to be. I need to believe in myself church mice. I need to say FUCK YA lets go! So what's stopping me?  

OK so this weekend my goal will be to organize all the shit I can in the 60ish hours I have before work on Monday.  I'm going to get there.  There will be before and after pics and hopefully I can make sure to take a solid step towards that goal.  I will of course be updating you all so stay tuned! 

For now lets get thru the work day and make it count, then start the weekend and attempt to reach for adventure!

Have a good one friends and remember to share my blog with others! Together lets start a 365 revolution!

PREACH!

Alright y'all... I'ma lay it all out for each and every one of you.

I'm fat. Yep, it's true...

In 17 years I have put on 104 pounds. This from my prime 17 year old body which was fit and strong. 

I'm flabby. Yep, it's true... 

In 17 years I had two kids and neglected myself far beyond that which I should have. 

My measurements are far beyond what healthy should be.Yes it's true...

38 waist is not ok. Say it with me now...

A 52 inch hip/ass is not ok... I can't hear ya now!

A 30 inch thigh is?? That's right, IT'S not O. K. 

Brothers and sisters (and all the rest of you people) the risk of diabetes, stroke, heart attack, high blood pressure, joint pain, and being on pain medications because my joints need to carry around THIS body...

IS. NOT. O. K.

So... Today we begun to find our way home! Yes indeed we began to walk towards the path to health and nutrition, we began to walk the up hill road towards my goal of a 95 pound weight loss!

With the support of my nutrition Guru Wendy Hicks, support from my super hero of love and life M I began Herba Life's program today!

I know it will be hard. I know, it will be a quest. But just the dedication I showed today... The willingness to surrender to this process and the excitement I feel to get back into clothes I haven't worn in years is enough to make me jump up! And hold my hands up and say, YES! YES!! OH YES, I WILL ACHEIVE!

Can I get an AMEN!

That's it for day 3, please take time to share my blog and let's start a 365 Revolution together!!